Fake
by Grace Cullen
Summary: I was born to be a tool-a lethal weapon. And they're just waiting for me, to finally be able to change me. Waiting for me to become the most dangerous force the world has seen. Only i didn't know it just yet.
1. You'll Be In My Heart

"_For one so small, you seem so strong. My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm. This bond between us can't be broken, I will be here, don't you cry."  
--Phil Collins "You'll be in my heart"_

Bella's POV

Mommy and Daddy were fighting again. It made me very sad so I closed my door and tried to go to sleep, but I could still hear them. It would almost be impossible not to hear them! Tears dripped down my face as I heard my mommy's harsh no-no words reverberate through the walls and Daddy yelling right back at her.

"Don't you realize you have a three year old daughter that's waits for you every day and you don't come?" He screamed. I buried my head under my pillow trying to muffle out the noise that hurt my ears. They've been fighting so long I felt like this was my regular bedtime story. After a couple hours they finally stopped screaming and I drifted thankfully into the warm embrace of unconsciousness. But then I was awaked once more when my door creaked open, and Mommy walked in.

"Hi, honey." She kissed me on the forehead and sat down next to me.

"Hello Mummy!" I sat up and crawled into her lap smiling up at her to show I wasn't mad at her for fighting again. She smiled back cradling me in her arms, holding me tight, her eyes lighting up every time she did that. When I told her I wanted to be as pretty as her when I grew up she laughed and said I was already gorgeous but it was far from the truth.

"Bella…I have to leave." She said after a moment of silence and her just rocking me back and forth in her arms. I looked up at her confused, I didn't understand.

"When are you coming back?" I asked innocently, but then she suddenly started crying out of nowhere her arms drawing back away from me. My eyes widened, what did I say wrong this time?

"Don't cry Momma, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you sad!" I apologized frantically rubbing away her tears.

"Darling, I'm not coming back." She sniffed crying even harder. I pulled away now too, frowning.

"Why not? Can I come?" I didn't get it, why was Momma leaving and not coming back?

"Bella, you can't come with me." She told me solemnly.

"But, Momma, I wanna be with you!" I held on to her, now I was crying with her.

"Shh! Honey, I'm sorry." She started tugging me off and stood up while I was still crying on the bed. I reached for her hand but she stepped away. After a second she slipped off her wedding ring and gave it to me. The diamonds, even in the dark, sparked like the tears running down our faces.

"I love you Bella." Momma kissed me one last time and then she left going down the stairs and out the front door.

"Momma! Momma, no!" I sobbed, I tried to run after her to the door but she had closed it quickly and ran out to an unfamiliar car where someone was already waiting. She left me for good, standing alone by myself in the dark.

"Momma…please don't leave me…" I begged, trailing off sagging against the front door. I woke up the next morning still next to the door waiting for her to come back. But she never came.

_**~*~Five Years Later~*~**_

I made Daddy promise he would never leave me like Momma did I suppose, in a way, he did keep his promise.

When Daddy took me to school the girls made fun of me all the time and they said that I was worthless and that's why she left, that Daddy and I weren't good enough for her. They all said I was a mistake one of those horrible mistakes. At first I didn't know what a mistake was, when I asked the teacher she said a mistake was something that happened that you didn't want to, that you wanted to get rid of—an accident. I still didn't understand it, did they want my eraser? I never told Daddy cause I knew it would make him worry, I didn't want that. He was the best daddy in the world! He took care of me well and I loved him so much! He was the perfect dad, my only friend, the strongest man yet the most sensitive and he didn't show any pain of being left by Momma.

But it didn't change what happened everyday at school, and eventually I just learned not to say anything and stick to myself. Lauren, one of the meanest girls, stomped over to me grinning evilly while I was trying to read.

"Alone _again_ Isabella?" She laughed and slapped the book away from me onto the floor. Her group suddenly burst into crackling fits of laughter. I looked up shyly.

"My name is Bella." I told her quietly, reaching for my fallen book. I didn't want to get into a fight today.

"As if I care! You're so stupid and don't have any friends, its pathetic!" I clenched my fists, why was she so mean to me? I didn't wanna hear her hurtful comments anymore so I stood up and walked away leaving her and her little pack of hyenas behind me. When school was over I waited in the parking lot for daddy to come but then Lauren showed up next to me once more.

"You're dad finally decide to leave you like your mom did?" She teased. This time I didn't have anywhere to go to, I had to stay and wait.

"Please stop." I toyed with Mommy's ring around my neck that I had found a silver chain for; right now it was too big to even fit on my thumb, so for now it was part of a necklace. I tried to block out her words and avert my attention, not looking at her. When her mom's car pulled up Lauren hands shot out and pushed me to the floor before she ran off giggling. I fell hard, my hands reaching out to catch myself scraping myself against the rough cement and they started to bleed, I held my hands away trying to not smell the awful salty, rust scent. I had to bite my lip from crying. A couple minutes later Daddy pulled up in his police car and I crawled in silently holding my hands behind my back.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked brushing my hair away from my face like he always did. I pulled away shaking my head and leaned against the cold window. I knew if I spoke I would start crying.

"Did Lauren tease you?" Daddy said angrily. I nodded my tears finally spilling as I showed him my hands.

"She pushed me daddy!" I cried. He pulled me close and hugging me tight. He pulled away for a second and fluttered through the CD's that were placed throughout the car and slipped one in to the player. The familiar tune rang out as Daddy slowly hummed along.

_Come stop your crying  
it will be all right  
Just take my hand  
Hold it tight _

_I will protect you  
from all around you  
I will be here  
don't you cry _

_For one so small,  
you seem so strong  
My arms will hold you,  
keep you safe and warm  
This bond between us  
can't be broken  
I will be here  
Don't you cry_

Sometimes Daddy would sing along with it, he wasn't particularly good at singing but it was the best music in the world. When I first saw _Tarzan_ I pretended to be an ape for a week, I would climb all over his back hanging on like a monkey, then I would bang on pots and pans trying to make music . And every time I became sad this was the song he would sing to me. It was perfect for us. __

'Cause you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
from this day on  
Now and forever more 

_You'll be in my heart  
No matter what they say  
you'll be here in my heart, always _

_Why can't they understand  
the way we feel  
They just don't trust  
what they can't explain  
I know we're different but,  
deep inside us  
We're not that different at all _

_And you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
from this day on  
Now and forever more _

Gently he began to put a couple band-aids on my hands; kissing them one they were done.

_Don't listen to them  
'Cause what do they know  
we need each other,  
to have, to hold  
they'll see in time  
I know _

_When destiny calls you  
you must be strong  
I may not be with you  
but you've got to hold on  
They'll see in time  
I know  
we'll show them together _

_'Cause you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
from this day on  
Now and forever more _

_Oh, you'll be in my heart  
No matter what they say  
you'll be here in my heart, always  
always_

After the song was done playing I had stopped crying.

"Bella you wanna see this secret place where you're Mommy and I used to go?" He asked hugging me close. Occasionally Daddy would give me little information about how Mommy and he used to be. He wasn't the kind of father to leave you in the dark, so every time I asked a question he would always try his best to answer it.

"Okay." I agreed nodding against his chest holding him tight before letting go. He drove us toward the woods and then parked the police car right into front.

"Are we hiking?" I asked, as he helped me out of car. Once on the ground I held his big hand tightly. He nodded leading me to a path but then we started to drift away from it until the path was no longer in sight. I didn't complain or worry because I knew that he wouldn't get me lost. Finally we arrived. It was a meadow; there was a bubbling stream towards the side and many flowers covering the ground and you could actually see the sun. It shone directly on the clearing making everything a lot warmer here.

"Daddy! It's so pretty!" I exclaimed running toward it. I tumbled in the grass, picked flowers and put them in my hair and skipped everywhere laughing until I was so exhausted I just fell into a patch of daisies giggling. It was magical! We played in the field for forever until it started to get dark but even then I hated to leave. When we got home daddy got on the phone and talked to Lauren's mommy, through what I heard she got in big trouble, it made me feel happy even though I knew I shouldn't be. At bedtime he helped me take a bath with lots of bubbles and he brushed my hair and while I brushed my teeth. When we were done he tucked me into bed and read me a story.

"Goodnight, my little Bella." He kissed me on top of my forehead closing the book.

"'Night daddy, I love you!" I smiled happily in my comfy bed.

"I love you Bella." He replied lovingly before closing the door. I slammed my hands over my ears, _he didn't say that! _I repeated to myself, I didn't want him to say that…because those were the exact words mommy had said before she left me. My tummy started getting that funny feeling inside but I tried to ignore it and be strong because that's what big girls did, and I was a big girl. In the morning I woke up and started looking for Daddy. But I couldn't find him and suddenly I became frantic.

"Daddy!" I looked everywhere but he wasn't there. Then I heard a knock on the door and I sighed in relief. Daddy was here. I could barely reach the door handle but eventually I opened it but it wasn't him.

"Where's Daddy?" I had asked, leaning my head back just to look at their faces. It was his friends. Harry Clearwater knelt down to my height and looked me in the eye.

"I'm sorry Bella your Daddy's…you're daddy's…Bella sweetie…you're daddy's dead." I stumbled back tripping over my feet, and knocking over the chair thinking that Daddy would never be able to catch me ever again. I shook my head, that wasn't possible he was just with me last night. He had played with me in that meadow and sang me a song and read me a story and kissed me goodnight; it just wasn't possible, he couldn't be gone. I couldn't even see him at the funeral; they had shut the casket and lowered him into the ground so fast it all seemed like a blur, I could barely remember anything. The police station had paid for it all and there was this huge ceremony they held in his honor but it didn't really matter because the only person in my life to ever love me was dead. During the funeral I could hear people whispering about us.

"Poor, guy! I heard that he was mauled by some kind of deadly animal!"

"Supposedly it was very messy but there was no blood, though parts we're strewn everywhere! Some camper found him."

"Wasn't he was found at the place where he and his ex-wife used to hide out? Some kind of secret meadow? "

"The child has no one left; even her own mother doesn't want her."

"I heard that she was a mistake!" By now I had finally realized what being a mistake meant. And it hurt.

**I feel kinda bad; I always manage to kill off Charlie in some way in all my stories. So to all Charlie fans: I am terribly sorry (I'm a big Charlie fan myself, he really reminds me of my dad...!)Anyway please tell me what you think about it so far, aka review! Criticism is appreciated too; I'd love to hear about how you feel about it regardless of whether it's negative or positive.**

**XOXO!  
Grace**


	2. Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

"_You were once my one companion, you were all that mattered, you were once a friend and father. Then my world was shattered" _

"_Wishing I could hear your voice again, knowing that I never would. Dreaming of you helped me to do, all that you dreamed I could. Passing bells and sculpted angels, cold and monumental, seem for you the wrong companion, you were warm and gentle."  
--_ _Andrew Lloyd Webber "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again"_

Bella's POV

At the end of the funeral I felt a hand on my shoulder as I turned around to meet the coal black eyes of Jacob. I quickly looked away, trying to hide the tears that had spilled over my face every couple seconds. These days it had seemed like I was crying all the time.

"I don't know what is going to happen to me," I whispered to him, my voice cracking. "My mommy doesn't want me—she never really did." Jacob was a little bit taller than me so he had to crane his neck in a funny way to see my face. I knew he was trying to make me smile but I wasn't working.

"Don't you know, silly Bella?" Jacob asked. I shook my head all confused.

"Dad said that you're going to be living with us!" I finally looked up and met his dark eyes.

"Really?" I said; hope leaking through my voice just a little.

"Yeah, that's what he sent me over here for. " He jerked his thumb backward, gesturing to Billy Black who was watching us from his car. He held out his hand for me to take, I hesitantly reached for it and his large warm one closed over mine as we walked together to the car. Were they adopting me? Would that mean Jacob would be my brother? He and I used to make mud pies all the time when we were much younger and he would always act like a brother to me. Would it be the same like that? When we got home he leapt from the car and dragged me to his room.

"This is my room, but right now it's both of ours 'cause we don't have another room for you, Rachel and Rebecca have no space in their room!" He announced throwing the door open. I glanced around, it wasn't anything really spectacular, but it was nice. The walls were painted a deep blue color and there was two beds one on each side of the room, one clearly more feminine than the other and a screen-less window right next to my bed. Billy had set up a small little closet and desk on one side for me and on Jacob's side he had a closet built in the wall and a toy box instead.

"Sorry, we have to share." He clarified thinking my silence meant it didn't like it. My eyes filled with tears again, but this time I didn't let them fall, and I flung myself at him wrapping my arms around him.

"Thank you!" I cried, suddenly. "I was so worried everyone was going to send me to an orphanage and I'd be all alone and not wanted!" Jacob, clearly shock at my outburst, slowly hugged me back and smiled.

"You know I was all for sending you to the orphanage—you're taking up my toy space!" He teased; I playfully hit him on the shoulder fake pouting. I heard a knock outside the door before Billy appeared in his wheel chair.

"Well, it's not like I'm going to carry your luggage for you." He said, appraising our stance.

"Right." I nodded and went to get my things. Jacob, Rachel, and Rebecca helped but the twins didn't talk to me much; I suppose because they were a year older and didn't want much to do with me. We set down my stuff near my bed when Rachel finally talked to me.

"You don't have much, considering this is where you'll live." She raised an eyebrow. I glanced down.

"I guess not, it's mostly just clothes. I left all my toys I don't think I'll be playing with them anymore." I said honestly, Rebecca made a sympathetic noise. I didn't have much toys to start out with anyway though, I wasn't materialistic child. I would rather go play with my dad outside than play Barbie's like the other girls inside.

"Well welcome to the family, Bella." She smiled gently before they both left. I plopped down on the bed and gazed at my things. Jacob sat on the bed next to me gazing at my face.

"I'm guessing you don't like unpacking either…" He chuckled.

"Pleaseee?" I opened my eyes wide giving him the puppy dog face.

"Aw, no!" He groaned looking away,

"Please Jacob? Please help me unpack?" I leaned against him and hugged him tight. I pressed my face right next to his trying to get him to open his eyes.

"Don't make me do this Bella!" I hugged him harder.

"Pretty please? Jacob you'd be the best new brother in the world! I'd love you forever!"

"Fine." He grumbled opening them and hugged me back. "But I hope you know you won't always get your way with me by putting on that face."

"Yes!" I laughed and punched the air. It didn't take long to unpack my meager belongings and store them in the drawers Billy had provided but Jacob always distracted me and then we would get caught up in our conversation forgetting about the job we had. Then there was a knock on the door and Billy rolled in.

"It's time to get ready for bed." He told us. I got up from where I was sitting and walked over to his wheelchair.

"Thank you." I whispered as I kissed him lightly on the cheek then embraced him. I could feel him smiling even though I couldn't see it. After he left Jacob and I quickly changed and crawled in bed. Jacob flicked off the lights, darkness enclosing the room leaving us both blind. Once I heard his steady snores begin I turned to the wall facing away from him, just in case, and began to cry.

I finally let the rest of the tears I saved pour out, little rivulets flowing down my face as I yearned so much for my dead father. The poker face I had on throughout the day came crashing down so easily. It wasn't fair, out of all the people in the world to deal with something like this it had to be me. I was too young for this, I didn't deserve this, I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I had known that it wasn't perfect, but it was the way I wanted, the way that had always fit me. I loved him so much—I missed him so much. Charlie really did love me but he was gone.

The sobs wracked my body, my shoulders heaving up and down, and I was trembling. Though despite all that I made sure to keep them silent not wanting anyone to find me like this, especially Jacob. I knew he'd be horrified if he would see me like this. But occasionally despite my efforts a small whimper would escape before I would quickly cover my mouth, biting my lip terrified that he would flip back his covers, suddenly awake, and pin my down with those soul-searching eyes of his. So I stayed like that for hours just crying into the night, begging it all to be just a horrible, horrible nightmare and when I woke Charlie would be there. But the new bed with its sprigs digging into my spine reminded me that I was already awake and he wasn't here anymore. My blurry tear-filled eyes searched for the time until I spotted the glowing green numbers that informed me that it was only four-thirty.

Would anyone wake up during that time? I sat up, dragging my hand across my face to dry the tears and pulled the curtains aside. But immediately flinched back when the moonlight spilled in the room giving it an eerie glow and everything was visible again like I had flipped the light switch back on. When I glanced back at Jacob worried that he had woken from the sudden light I learned that he was an extremely deep sleeper. He didn't even stir in the slightest way; I let a quick grin flicker across my face before it disappeared again. I knew I'd use this fact for later. Quickly I opened the window soundlessly and stared at the two story drop below me, it was a long away to the hard ground if I fell. An image flashed behind my eyes of my twisted bloody body lying dead on the grass. Blinking it away ignoring the nausea, my hands grasped the window ledge tightly as I stretched my legs out to reach for the tree next to me. My heart started pounding ten times faster and my hands began to sweat as I started to slip.

"No." A sharp whisper slipped out and my resolve hardened. That's when my feet finally contacted with the tree bark and I pushed off the ledge as I now held onto the tree. I drew the curtains closed from outside leaving the window open for my return then I climbed down letting another smile cross my face as when I finally touched down on the safe ground. Home free.

And I ran. At first I wasn't sure where I was going I just knew I need to get away from there. The cold chilling morning air raised goose bumps on my skin making me regret not bringing some kind of jacket and of course—shoes. The ground was, thankfully, soft but wet dew clung weakly to the grass blades then onto my bare feet making the dirt stick to the bottoms of them. Very faint sounds of a car whizzing past on the main road could be heard even from where I stood and then like a flash of lighting the place I was headed hit me. I was going to see Daddy. At the cemetery. I know that sounds creepy but I wasn't scared, not now, no. I wasn't scared. My feet pounded harder and faster on the ground now that I had a specific destination.

But upon arriving there I was suddenly unsure, would the memories hurt even more? What was my point in coming here anyway? _I'm going to visit my father._ My internal voice growled back as I pushed the rusty gate open. At first I had no idea where his grave was anyway, so then I decided to close my eyes and remember the way. It couldn't be that hard I was just here this morning. So with my eyes still shut I maneuvered my way through the gravestones just by memory and when I opened my eyes again I found myself in front of his.

"Hi, Daddy." My meek voice wavering. I stood there for another awkward second then decided to sit down; I crossed my legs and plopped next to him rather ungracefully. Another moment passed as I studied the headstone, all it said was his name, his birthday, the day he died_, _and the totally unoriginal quote:_ a loving father_. I cleared my throat trying to summon the words I knew I should say in my situation.

"I miss you, Daddy… I miss you a lot." I cleared my throat again because it felt like there was a sword or something getting stuck in there each time I tried to speak, "I know it's only been a couple days and it feels like just yesterday you were with me but now I just feel so alone. I have Jacob and Billy…and Rachel and Rebecca but I think those last two aren't very happy I'm here. Things were so much simpler when it was just you and me, so much has been going on. You know Momma still doesn't want me? I guess I'm not that surprised. Though I still hoped."

"Is it nice there?" I continued, "In heaven I mean, because I know that's where you went. You couldn't have gone to hell; you were too good for that. Daddy? Was I a mistake? I've heard people call me that before and I suppose I didn't really know what it meant until now. Even if I was you still love me, right? I hope you do because I love you a lot." Eventually my conversation fell flat; I wasn't very talkative to begin with, Daddy and I were similar in that way. So I just sat there silently and just wished for him. I traced my finger across the smooth surface of the grave and in the crevasses of the words carved into the cold marble forgetting everything for once. Forgetting that it was crazy to be in a graveyard at this time—forgetting that I should be safe in bed not out here—forgetting that for a millisecond I wanted to join him more than anything. I leaned back finally getting a full view of where I was and out of the corner of my eye I saw someone standing there. My heart leapt up into my throat along with that annoying sword and suddenly I was scared for the first time tonight.

"Who's there?" I squeaked, terrified. I was sure this was when the murderer would come and kill me now before I screamed. '_Never go out alone at night.' Big whoops._ I thought.

"I'm sorry." Out of the shadows a velvety smooth voice said. And just when I thought he was going to cut me up into little pieces and drag me off he disappeared, just like that.

"Wh-wh-what?" I fumbled touching my face, amazed was still alive. When I was sure I was alone once more I stood up, clumsily and gave Daddy's grave one last goodbye before I started for the house. I ran even faster as I realized I had stayed in there for nearly three hours, and the sun was beginning to rise.

As I dashed across the sidewalk I misplaced my feet and lunged to the ground scraping my hands and knees. I wanted to cry to Daddy again like did before but I couldn't. I needed to move faster, so I stood up brushed myself off and started running again. The house was so close I could see it now and a light was on. I scrambled up the tree, through the window, and jumped onto the bed. I closed the window as quietly as I could, seeing that Jacob was still asleep. The door opened just as I threw the covers over my mud covered-body and shut up eyes as I tried to slow my breathing.

"Time to wake up!" Billy announced. Jacob mumbled something intelligible and rolled back over. I copied him, trying to look as though I was still very tired even though adrenaline was still pulsing through my veins. I peeked through my half-lidded eyes as Billy rolled over to Jacob and yanked the covers off.

"Dad!" Jacob exclaimed, snapping awake, annoyed. I swiftly pretended to wake up too, just in case Billy did the same to me and discovered my muddy, grassy clothes.

"Breakfast is ready downstairs in an hour, hurry up because it's not going to wait for you." Billy handed Jacob back his blankets and heading back out. As soon as Billy left Jacob leaped back into bed and promptly fell asleep again. I snickered, grabbed my clothes and walked to the bathroom across the hall before someone could see my state. After my shower I struggled to battle the knots in my hair that Daddy used to help me with. I wanted to scream and throw my brush away because these tangles were never coming out. But eventually they did. Even without his steady hands to help me. In the end I decided to tie my hair into two braids to keep me for having to deal with the same mess later, and then I grabbed my dirty clothes to throw them into the hamper but stumbled into Jacob who was waiting outside the door.

"You girls take so long in the bathroom, it's unbelievable. What do you do in there?" Jacob grumbled, shutting the door firmly behind him and locking it. I smirked at Jacobs irritability in the morning and tossed the clothes into the basket before going to the kitchen. I scooted into a chair next to Rachel and across from Rebecca, watching Billy scrape the scrambled eggs onto each plate.

"Jacob!" He yelled up the stairs, "Come get your food now or else you get none later!" We all looked up to see Jacob stumble into a chair his hair in little wet spikes. He shook his head like a dog spraying us all with water.

"Ah!" Rachel jumped back from the table, "God, Jacob! You're so immature!" But he just laughed and stuck his tongue at her.

"_Enough!_" Billy snapped, we all immediately sat up straighter like we were in the army because with Billy people in the army had it off a whole lot easier.

"So, Bella…Did you sleep alright?" Rebecca turned to me changing the subject.

I grinned with my secret smile before saying, "I slept like the dead."

**So…How was that? I'd love song recommendations for the opening, ya know? So if you have a song that has lyrics that go with the story go ahead and (please!) send it in!**

**XOXO,  
Grace**


	3. Say

"_Walking like a one man army, fighting with the shadows in your head, living out the same old moment, knowing you'd be better off instead, if you could only say what you need to say"  
--John Mayer "Say"_

Jacob's POV

It's been nine months since Bella moved in...Yet, even though she smiles all the time her smile just doesn't seem real... And each morning she comes down to breakfast so tired, as if she never sleeps anymore. Was it normal for people to grieve for this long? Staring at her now from across the dinner table I noticed the dark shadows under her eyes which were now cast downward on the homework before her. Of course, being Bella, she was put in advanced placement in our La Push school program and was ahead and all but school couldn't have been the main issue. Bella may not have many friends and mostly stuck with me but she seemed fine.

"Bella?" I called. Her eyes flickered up to meet mine her pencil pausing in mid-air.

"Hm?" Bella raised an eyebrow at me—an expression she wore quite often now. I was going to ask her if she was okay but I chickened out. Instead I slid my paper toward her.

"How in the world do we do this?" I pointed at a random one.

"Uh, Jacob you already finished that one…" _Oops!_ I pushed my finger two rows lower to a problem I hadn't finished but understood completely.

"I meant this one, sorry." I fumbled for words. Bella put her pencil down and squinted at me as if she could see the reason why I was acting like an idiot plastered across my forehead. She searched me for a moment then gave up.

"Okay, so what's up?" Her voice challenging me to say the words she had now come to hate.

"I just…um…Are you still sad?" I rephrased the words able to dodge that dangerous obstacle. Bella rolled her eyes at me.

"Well, yeah, of course I'm still sad but I'm getting better. I promise." She flashed smile at me as if to reassure me but it didn't work. She smiled wider begging me to just drop the subject.

"I don't buy it." I said stubbornly, I was not backing down this time. Bella was smile vanished and she frowned at me.

"Well you have to cause there no other answer." Bella's voice was hard, and flat. I hated when she got like this but I wasn't giving up.

"Obviously there is, you're just not telling me. Come on Bella, I thought you trusted me. Tell me what going on." I pressed harder. Too hard. She stood up sharply her chair scrapping on the wood floor with a screech. Neither one of us flinched, locking gazes, both of us angry with the other now. I don't understand what was so hard about telling someone what was going on? I wanted to shake it out of her and scream to her to snap out of it. So I stood up to.

"You're not my therapist. And I don't need one. I'm fine. Why can't you just let it be?" She growled her voice quiet but it had a deadly edge to it.

"Because, Bella, No one's fine when their dad dies." I pointed out. Her hand slapped her against the table causing the noise to echo loudly in the room. I half-expected Rachel, Rebecca, and Billy to come charging down asking what was going on but nothing happened.

"Well, if that's what you wanna hear. Fine then! I'm still sad, Jacob. Yes, I still cry at night! And I don't feel any better than I did when he first died! But you know what? We can't do _anything_ about it!" She yelled then quickly gathered her stuff together and stormed off toward our bedroom. I heard loud angry footsteps on the stairs then the slam of the bedroom door. This was when everyone decided to come out and check up on us.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked me.

"Nothing. Bella's just acting like a baby." I said angrily. I was _not_ going to apologize after she just acted like a brat when I tried to tell her I cared about her. I pouted and finished the last couple problems before heading upstairs. I hesitated at the door not wanting to barge in but then I straightened up and jutted my chin out. I was my room too! I opened it with force and marched to my side of the room putting a stomp in my footsteps to show I was still resentful to her. It wasn't nice of her to be rude to me when I just wanted to help. I hoped Billy would give her a time-out.

At first I didn't even look at her keeping my gaze straight ahead, not even moving while she went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Not even when I went to get ready for bed. Neither one of us saying anything, not wanting to be the first to speak. Once Billy said goodnight to each of us I pretended to fall asleep and waited for her to do the same. After an hour she glanced over to my bed and I quickly shut my eyes, breathing in and out in a repetitious, calm manner. Then to my disbelief she started to get out of bed! Bella threw off the covers and began opening the window. She had one leg out before I couldn't keep it in and sat up.

"What are you doing?" I screeched. My loud outburst caused her to let out a yelp and fall backward onto her bed.

"What are you doing awake? I thought you were asleep!" Bella gasped. I narrowed my eyes—she was avoiding the question.

"I asked first." I insisted sternly. She opened her mouth then closed it a couple times but nothing came out. Her shoulders slumped and she didn't look me in the eyes. Then without warning Bella crumpled to the bed and began sobbing. Forgetting everything about being mad at her I ran over and hugged her tightly.

"Its gunna be okay." I murmured in her hair, "Its gunna be okay." Bella turned around, now facing me and hugged me back with surprising strength. And then,

"I've been sneaking out every night to visit him." Bella's voice was muffled by my shirt but I still caught the most of it.

"See who?" I pulled back and looked at her face which she hung low.

"Charlie. At the cemetery." She confessed with a sigh.

"Bella!" I exclaimed. She had to know what was going through my head. The images of her being lost, killed, stolen, and possibly worse.

"I know, I know but I just don't get it. He always carried his gun though and besides animals never attack people like that! I know where Charlie went that day and he took me there before and I didn't see any bears. If that's what it even was. The pieces just don't fit, Jacob. And the police aren't investigating any further, they've just declared it was an animal case and just left the cases like that." Bella tried to convince me earnestly. Then she looked around as if someone was watching her, Bella lower her voice, leaned in and began to speak.

"Also the first day I went to see Charlie at the cemetery there was something there, Jacob. Possibly someone. I know that whatever it was is connected to Charlie's death somehow…" She saw the look I was giving her and cried out. "I'm not crazy! I just… I can't do it by myself and it's just so, so confusing." She buried her head in my shirt and began to cry again. Kind of flustered and at lost for words I just hugged her again. After a moment I stood up bringing her up too.

"What are you doing?" She asked wiping her eyes. But I ignored her question and began pushing her bed toward to the middle then I went over to my bed and began pushing it to hers until they were lined up right next to each other making one big bed. When Bella realized what I was doing she smiled shyly.

"You know I talk to my sleep right?" She warned me. I laughed knowingly.

"Well then you should know I tend to crush people with my hugs when I sleep." I told her. She grinned in a mutual respect. Then I plopped down on the bed and patted the spot next to me. Bella quickly rushed over, slid under the blankets, and cuddled next to me curling her body into a ball so that she was very small next to me. I go under the blackest and pulled then up to my chin the slipped my arm around Bella holding her close to me like mom used to do with me before she passed away. Seeing Bella like this reminded me of how I used to be but I knew what had killed her unlike Bella with Charlie. Billy was driving then another car came out of nowhere. Billy swerved to not hit them and ended up down a ravine. Mom was killed on impact, Dad left in a wheelchair, us scared forever. Though the people who originally caused the accident never came forward it didn't matter anymore. I admit it still hurts but I have gotten better, I've accepted it. I just hope Bella can do the same.

"Goodnight, Jacob." Bella's soft voice cut through the darkness. I closed my eyes

"'Night, Bella." And for the first time I think she felt just a little bit better.

**Mistakes? Comments? Suggestion? Bring it on! (a.k.a review!) **

**XOXO,**

**Grace**


	4. Whisper

"_Don't close your eyes; God knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the light, never sleep never die. I'm frightened by what I see but somehow I know that there's much more to come. Immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears."  
-Evanescence "Whisper" _

Bella's POV _(now 11yrs old)_

Sleeping next to Jacob became regular every night and so eventually we just decided to leave the two beds together like that. And for once I could sleep again. But tonight one of my nightmares came back.

"Jacob." I said softly. My voice wad weak and laced with fear. Jacob is still a very deep sleeper but for some reason every time I need him h always wakes right up. He had his back toward me but when he heard my voice he turned over to face me.

"What?" Jacob groaned irritably. But as soon as he saw my face he knew. "The Nightmare?"

My bottom lips quivered as I tried to hold back the tears and nodded. I didn't want to seem like a baby but every time I dreamt it I felt like crying like one.

"It's always the eyes." I whispered my throat too tight to be above it.

"Always those red eyes. They follow me everywhere. And then they kill Charlie. Then Billy. Then Rachel and Rebecca." My whispered dropped even lower. "Then you." I've been having the same dream over and over again. It was terrifying and every time I'd wake up trembling crying out for Jacob. It starts out in the meadow—Mom and Dad's meadow. Mom, for an unknown reason, would run away leaving Charlie by himself all alone, the night finally started to descend as Charlie stood up to come home to me. Then the red eyes appear. Glowing in the darkness, locking onto its prey ready for the kill. I couldn't see the whole thing; just hear the sound of ripping flesh and sounds of a feeble fight. And Charlie never screamed for he was too strong for that. Billy was next as the scene changed. Eyes appeared then he was dead. A fight didn't even ensue for The Predator was too strong, unstoppable and deadly.

With Rachel and Rebecca I _did_ hear the screams. Ear-shattering, horrible, unforgettable screams. They were the kind of screams only emitted when a person was about to die and knew it too. Black and red were the colors I always saw, the colors of death. Fitting, wasn't it? Jacob. Oh, Jacob. My protector, my brother, the only one I had left. The Predator had to come for him next. He had too. He knew I loved him so much and he wasn't allowed to leave anyone I loved alive. He wanted me to be alone. Isolated from everyone else and vulnerable. He sauntered forward toward Jacob and me. Jacob had me behind him trying to shield me from the view of him. I couldn't see any features of him only his blood red eyes. They were hungry. Then he launched himself toward us and Jacob dove to meet him halfway. Snarls ripping from their throats, territorial and dominating. For a moment I actually believed Jacob would win and we'd both stay alive. But I've had this nightmare before. I knew the ending too well.

With one violent blow it was all over. I saw Jacobs pained, coal black eyes one last time. Not pain for himself but for me. Fear of leaving me behind. His eyes sparkling eyes dimmed then became glassy—vacant of life. Jacobs's body slumped to the floor in a heap and The Predator turned to me at last. He smiled widely and triumphantly, a toothy smile filled with pearly white razor sharp teeth. His canines seemed to be slightly longer than the rest of his teeth and much sharper. An instant later he was in front of me and held my fragile head between both his hands. He could have crushed it so easily just the slightest twitch of one of his fingers and I would have been dead. But he didn't. Instead he leaned down as if to kiss my neck, pressing his lips against it but not lovingly, almost possessively. Slowly he drew back his lips and I felt the coldness of his teeth. They were somewhat slippery as if not just covered in just saliva but something else too. A low chuckle slipped out from him before those deadly teeth pierced my neck.

Waking up from this nightmare wasn't like usual dreams. Most of the time with dreams you often forget them right away, but with this one I could get it out of my head. I didn't know where these images came from but I did know I wanted them gone. _So badly_. But they kept coming back. Over and over again. Now awake once more I was still reeling from the sheer fear caused by the capability of my imagination.

"Why can't they just stop?" I begged Jacob desperately. Jacobs's mouth formed a surprised 'O' then he raised his long warm arm and dragged me into his chest. He didn't really know how to deal with emotions like this before but I suspect he's grown used to it now. Jacob learned that with me it was best just to stay quiet and hold me for awhile.

"It'll be okay, Bella. It'll be okay. It was just a dream." He repeated over and over. Jacob brushed the sweaty, damp hair off my forehead then let me go and slipped out of the bed. My eyes widened in panic.

"Don't leave me!" I gasped, my hand shooting out to grab hold of his arm in a tight grip.

"I'm not leaving," He told me gently as he pried my fingers off his arm, "I'm just going to get you some water." After a moment I nodded, regretfully and let go. Jacob disappeared out of the room as I laid back down on the bed trying to calm myself down. I took a few deep breaths in and out but keeping twisting the sheets nervously in my clammy hands. Then Jacob, a couple more deep breaths later, came back to my great relief. He crawled nest to me and half-handed the ice-cold water to me keeping one hand on it just in case I dropped it and since the sides were already slippery with condensation and my trembling hands it would have been a probable possibility. I took a big gulp of it with help from Jacobs's steady hand leading me toward it. With his other hand he rubbed soft circles in my back soothing me slightly. I raised my terrified gaze to meet his controlled one.

"I don't want to be alone."I said in a hushed voice. He shook his head.

"You will never be alone. I'll always be here for you." Jacob assured me. I hoped he was right but I tried not to put much thought into it because if I was let down I didn't want it to hurt too badly. Being let down wasn't a new thing for me and I'd be far from surprised if it happened again. But I wasn't used to it. I didn't want to get used to bad things happening to me. So I tried my hardest to banish the nightmare to the back of my mind. _Fear is only a state of mind_ I told myself sternly.

"You know I used to have the worst nightmare ever. When I was very small…They terrified me, they never were the same dream but they always involved my biggest fear." Jacob told me, I raised my eyebrow intrigued. Jacob? Jacob had a fear?

"What was it?" I questioned. Jacob bit his lip before answering

"Don't laugh okay?"He looked embarrassed even in the dark.

"Why would I laugh?"

"Just don't okay?"

"Okay." I promised kind of confused as to what was so bad that Jacob would make me promise not to laugh.

"I was…I was terrified of….I was terrified of bunnies…" Jacob confessed reluctantly. My mouth dropped open. Bunnies!

"Are you serious?" I had to cover my mouth to stop the giggle that threatened to come out.

"They're scary creatures! They have those sharp two front teeth and everyone thinks they're all cute but they're not! They're evil!" He defended himself, "You said you wouldn't laugh!" Jacob then accused pointedly.

"I'm not! I'm just…smiling…How did you ever get over that fear?"

"I got a bunny." Jacob said simply. "I used to go everyday to it and hold it and pet it until eventually I got over my fear."

"I named him Lucifer. Lucifer was a pure white bunny with the cotton tail and everything. But he wasn't exactly a nice bunny—used to bite me all the time—but I could tell he loved me. "Jacob added after a moment's thought.

"What happened to the bunny?" I don't remember anything about Jacob having any pets…

"He died. But he had a nice long, happy life and helped me get over my fear." Jacob smiled at me.

"So…you're saying I should go get a bunny?" I asked. Jacobs smiled flipped into a frown.

"No, stupid! I'm saying confront your fear!" He said exasperatedly.

"Oh." I fell silent. How do you confront your fear of being left alone, with everyone you love dying? Maybe it was an irrational fear and unnecessary but I felt like it wasn't anything new. Should I get used to being left alone? I shivered at the thought of it but if Jacob got over his fear why couldn't I? I settled back down into the bed and imagined the red eyes in front of me again; I replayed the last scene where it was just me and him. I was seconds away from death but instead of me defeating The Predator like I had originally planned to do a picture of golden eyes flashed behind my lids. I internally gasped, for they were gorgeous eyes. Deep, honey, liquid gold. Very pure and yet full of mysteries. I felt as if I saw angel's eyes they would belong to him. My angel held onto me tightly, but gently not letting me go he turned to face The Predator. Gold against red. Good against evil and I wasn't sure who would win. Even my imagination hadn't planned this out. I trembled with fear once more. I didn't want my angel to die. There was a blur of images; the only way I could tell the difference between the two bodies was because of the eyes. Always the eyes. Then finally lids of The Predator slid over his red eyes and it was done. My angel won. He brought he close and whispered,

"Be safe." And disappear as I opened my own eyes. Jacob had fallen back asleep because I took too long but I smiled. I hadn't conquered my fear completely but I was a step closer. I snuggled down under the covers next to him. Facing the window right before I fell into unconsciousness I could have sworn I saw the white fluffy tail of a rabbit.

**Okay I admit that maybe have not been the best ending but that was the only ending I got. Excuse for my horrible non-updating status? School. That wretched place. Finals, projects, evil teachers, tests, oh my! They always say "Don't wait till the last minute!" but why do they wait until the last days to give us all this? Six more days until I can promise much faster updates (not counting weekends)! So please review and tell me what you think :)**

**XOXO,**

**Grace**

**P.S. Remember Jacob and Bella are just kids and are brother and sister; don't go assuming anything yet!**


	5. Breakaway

"_Grew up in a small town and when the rain would fall down I'd just stare out my window. Dreaming of what could be and if I'd end up happy, I would pray. Trying hard to reach out, but when I'd try to speak out felt like no one could hear me. Wanted to belong here but something felt so wrong here, so I pray  
I could breakaway."  
-Kelly Clarkson "Breakaway"_

Bella's POV _(13 years old)_

"Go Jacob go!" I cheered for him, jumping up and down getting caught up in excitement. Currently Jacob and Embry were in a wrestling match, each one trying to gain control over the other. For moment it looked like Embry was going to win as his fist came dangerously close to Jacobs face but Jacob responded with a knee to the chest and knocking the breath out of him. Jacob took that to his advantage and pinned him down and counted to ten. Jacob had won—of course. I bit my lip hesitant and then before I could hold them back the words slipped out of my mouth.

"Can I fight?" I asked. They both looked up at me incredulously and Quil sitting next to me snickered but tired to cover it with a fake cough. I gave him the evil eye before pleading my case once more. I just wanted to fit in with them.

"I mean why not?" I implored further, standing up. Jacob stood up too and helped Embry with him, brushing the dirt off himself, avoiding eye contact.

"Well, Bella. You're a girl…And were just…stronger" He tried to explain, obviously struggling for words so Embry piped up.

"Bella, you saw us fighting just now, do you honestly think you could win?" Quil snickered again but this time I didn't glare I just kept begging.

"Please? At least let me just try!" I stomped my foot Quil finally erupted with laughter almost falling of the log we were perched on even he got to fight, he just sucked at it. I looked at Jacob hoping to win him over with the famous puppy eyes but his face was firm and set.

"Please Jacob?"

"No." His voice was so fierce I flinched back; this was the first time he had used that tone of voice on me. _Why?_ I wanted to scream at them like a spoiled brat, but I didn't yet I still didn't understand why I couldn't play with them. I only watched and never got to play, it wasn't fair and very sexist. I could fight, why not with them? Anger boiled inside me, Quil's laughing face was all I saw. I shoved him with a big push but he barely wobbled. Tears pricked in my eyes but I didn't want any of the boys to see, so I ran. The sand flew out from under my feet as I kept running away from them toward the more forest-y part of the La Push beach. No one came after me. After maybe a mile away I stopped and collapsed on a log sobbing. It wasn't as much the fact that I couldn't play with them, it was more like I ever fit in with anyone and not fitting in the Jacob and his friends was the final straw—I erupted.

For awhile it seemed like it was alright. I was part of a family again; school was fine despite the fact that I was invisible to everyone. I wouldn't be surprised if I suddenly went missing and no one noticed. Was it the teenage years kicking in? Was that feeling of hollow emptiness experienced by all teens?

I was cold, sandy, and still crying when I thought I heard a rustling behind me coming from the forest. I snapped my head around, wiping the tears from my face and scanned the trees for the source of the noise. A squirrel ran up a tree. I coughed out something between a laugh and a cry. It sounded like a dying animal.

I replayed not just the scene with Jacob, Quil, and Embry. But also scenes at school, the only time I was noticed was my embarrassing moments like trying to climb up the gym rope and failing with all the local reservation kids passed me laughing. Scenes at home, when the twins were out at parties and Jacob was with Quil and Embry and I was left alone with the only company of my book. Scenes going shopping with Billy and people looking at us; wondering why I was with him, because we clearly didn't look related at all. I knew I didn't belong here, I didn't know if I belonged anywhere. It wasn't fair that I couldn't be happy; it wasn't fair that I always failed every time I tried. I shivered half from loneliness and half from the cold sea breeze tearing at my hair and finding ways under my thin sweater. I wished that the breeze could just pick me up and take me away. Take me away to a place—to find people—where I could fit in. All those emotions rocked inside of me, my blood pounding in my ears as loud as the waves in front of me crashing against the surf.

I screamed. The sound ripped from the lungs and echoed across the beach. I stood up with anger worse than I felt while shoving Quil as it replaced the tears and kicked the log—hard. I screamed again but this time in pain. I dropped down in the sand clutching my foot. _You're _so _stupid!_ I thought to myself, rocking myself back and forth still holding it close. I growled at the log as if all of this was its fault. Which in my point of view, it was. But I scrambled back onto my feet, ignoring the throbbing of my toe, and glared at it.

"I'm not gunna cry anymore!" I told it furiously, "You can hurt me all you want but I'm not gunna cry!" I gave it one more have-I made-myself-clear look and sat down on it with a satisfied _oomph! _Gazing out at the sea I thought of it all and forced myself not to feel anything, forced myself to take it all in silence. I watched the waves and envied their strength. So strong, nothing could beat them. The sea did what it wanted and no amount of any power could tell it what it to. I fell asleep envying them.

"_She hates it here." She noted, examining Bella sleeping on the soft sand. "It'll be easier to convince her to come with us. He will be pleased to know this." One of the other vampires with her gave her a pointed look. _

"_Charlie made us promise not to tell her. We can't let her know about our world until she's seventeen. He made us promise." He said firmly, reminding her. She gave him an annoyed eye roll, it's not like she could've forgotten. Charlie was very dramatic about it all, making it his final dying wish and all that crap. She had to resist the urge to punish the other vampires' mind with her power. Cause him unnecessary pain. She liked watching that but she didn't. He could tell what she wanted to do and gave her and angry look. Felix and Alec back off knowing what was coming. Demitri was being stupid and careless forgetting who he was talking too._

"_I'm serious, Jane." He snapped. "Aro will kill you if you jump ahead again." _

"_If you're going to be one of us get used to it! And I don't make the same mistakes twice. I can handle this girl. Are you going to help me or what?" Jane demanded. He bowed his head closing his mouth. _

"_Besides, Aro loves me too much to destroy me." She added, just for his benefit. _

"_Should we carry on, sister?" Alec asked after a moment, touching her shoulder lightly. _

"_No, we'll wait here just a little bit longer." They observed her in silence for awhile longer watching the steady breathing of the poor human girl who had no idea what was in store for her. Demitri could smell her sweet blood from their position calling to him already. Only been born to this world a couple years he hadn't had full grasp on the terrible thirst, but being part of the Volturi there wasn't room to make careless mistakes after Charlie. But a few deaths no one would notice, he planned it all out in his head, smiling in anticipation. _

"_I would like very much to be the one to change her and get a taste of that blood." Demitri admitted. _

"_You are too weak for that." Jane said emotionlessly but her words had a harsh bite in them. He bared his teeth at her in resentment. Jane couldn't stop the urge this time. She turned her gaze to him, her face was blank yet inside she was excited to inflict pain on someone today, and she just didn't feeling like holding back anymore. Demitri's face on the other hand morphed into fear at what was coming, he knew it was going to be a harsh blow and braced himself for the pain. But it hardly helped. It exploded in his mind and he saw stars across his eyes. He fell to the mossy floor writhing in agony; Bella had experienced nothing compared to him when she stubbed her toe. Nothing. He let out a yell that was cut short all too quickly by another burst of pain. His nails scratched at the ground breaking the small rocks into dust, then grabbed his head almost ripping out his hair and curled up in a ball._

"_Please!" Demitri begged, "Make it stop!" Then it was quiet. _

"_You will not forget who is your superior, child. Don't you dare step out of line. I could kill you all too easily and Aro wouldn't even care. You answer to me on this job and I will not hesitate to make you regret the day you are born. Watch yourself Demitri or you might find yourself done for." Her voice was cold, and radiated power. There wasn't a hint of bluff in it either, she meant what she said and she could do it too. Demitri whimpered in dread. Felix fought a grin that it was him on the floor. Alec didn't say a word, content to watching pain just as much as Jane did. _

_Demitri got up off the floor brushing dirt of his clothes quiet and resentful but willing to do anything if it meant avoiding that pain again. Seeing his chance to prove himself he stalked across the beach toward Bella. Felix growled._

"_What is that idiot doing?" But no one made a move to stop him, just sat back and watched him ready to see him make a fool of himself. Demitri circled her a few times then dropped down into a crouch. He traced her face barely touching her warm, alive skin then caught a lock of her brown hair that was dancing in the wind. He brought the lock closer to him and breathed in her scent. Her scent was tantalizing and so inviting, her blood called to him strongly pulsing under her thin, pale, and easily penetrable skin. Demitri's hunger was strong than ever at that point, he knew her blood would be appealing but he had no idea how much until now. He lowered his lips to her throat and opened his mouth ready to bite the temptation was too much for him. Jane didn't move because if he did bite, he'd be dead in an instant. Demitri drew back licking his lips, sorry for the loss and craving it even more now. But he had her scent, now she'd never get away from them. He inhaled again punishing himself further, stroking her face again. _

"_You've escaped death this time, beautiful. But not for long. We'll be back soon." He whispered to her gently, caressing her for the last time before dropping his hand. _

"_Hurry up, Demitri. I'm hungry." Jane called, impatiently wanting to go on a hunt. Demitri ran back eager to quench the thirst. Alec smiled sardonically knowing this was the one thing they could all agree on. Death of humans. _

**That review button isnt there for nothing!**

**XOXO,  
Grace**


	6. Tied Together With A Smile

"_Hold on baby you're losing it. The water's high you're jumping in to it and letting go and no one knows that you cry but you don't tell anyone that you might not be the golden one and you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone."  
-Taylor Swift "Tied Together With a Smile"_

Bella's POV

They were calling my name but I didn't move. I didn't speak. Didn't make any indication I was close by. I just lay there. Waiting for them to go away to leave me alone. I had been away for almost three hours, I knew that much and I had slept through two and a half of them but the last half hour I had just been sitting here, hearing them call my name.

I know I should've gone to them, Jacob and his friends, but fury and hurt cemented me to my spot; let him worry! But I knew I only had a couple minutes more until he found me. I grabbed a handful of the sand, angrily, and tossed it far toward the ocean but with my luck the wind blew most of it back into my face.

"UGH!" I yelled at it and grabbed another handful and threw it. Then another and another and another. Until I accidentally grabbed a sharp shell instead and it sliced my palm drawing blood instantly. I dropped the bloody shell and examined my hand. It was a not an awfully deep cut but it would need to be cleaned and covered. Yet I made no move to do it, I was transfixed by it.

The pain stung badly but it took my mind off my emotions and just turned my attention to the cut. I wrapped my other hand around it and squeeze causing more blood to flow and the pain to slighting increase. It felt like I was bleeding out the mental pain and suffering. I gasped inwardly but didn't say a word. I wouldn't say it felt good, but it was distracting.

The blood flowed more now starting to drip down my arm making it look very grotesque. Then I put two fingers on either side of the cut and pushed then away from each other, opening the cut wider. It was now bleeding profusely but I ignored it. My thoughts were consumed by the cut, I didn't care about the actions I had just done or what those actions could be turning me into, all I could think was that it hurt; but not as much as I was hurting before. Physically hurting was so much better.

That's when I heard the footsteps coming closer. Immediately I took off my sweater exposing my bare skin to the relentless wind and used it to mop up the blood that had somehow managed to spread so far in just a couple minutes.

I kicked some of the sand because blood and also spilled on that too, trying to cover up everything. I then balled up the sweater so the blood was no longer visible and clenched it sneakily in my cut hand so the blood could go into there but they would never see it. Then at the last second after a moment's thought I snatched up the shell that had started it all and stuffed it in the pocket of my jeans just as Embry rounded the corner.

"Guys I found her!" he called out as soon as he saw me. Then he got a really good look at me and his eyes widened.

"Jesus Bella! Why aren't you wearing your sweater?" He demanded coming closer, he reached to take my sweater out of my hands my I jerked away quickly.

"No!" I blurted out, not thinking correctly. Shock registered on his face then concern. I backtracked on my words stumbling and stuttering, trying to amend myself. "I-I-I-I mean, um, I'm fine-e-e. It's itchy and I don't w-want to w-w-wear it."

"But it freaking cold out here, what are you talking about 'its itchy'? Suck it up, because Jacob will kill me if you get sick!" He reached for me but I stepped back again.

"Leave me alone Embry!" I yelled again, glaring at him like never before. He finally dropped it, more out of surprise at my new attitude then giving up. After that we walked back to the house in silence, I certainly wasn't going to say anything and Embry didn't want to upset me anymore, he just kept giving me sidelong glances often and every time I caught him looking he'd quickly look away. When we arrived Jacob was waiting for me his arms crossed and I could just tell he had a whole speech ready.

"Bella! Do you know how—?" I didn't give him the chance to finish, I strode right up to him at first I didn't look at him, pretended to be fascinated by my sneakers then I gathered up my resolve and looked at him straight in the eye.

"I think we should separate our beds." My voice was low and barely above a whisper. I didn't want Quil, who had just shown up, or Embry to hear me. I didn't wait for an answer before I brushed by Jacob who was stunned.

When I was out of sight I could almost see them exchanging perplexed looks. As soon as I got to the bathroom I locked the door then sat down on the toilet lid and let go of my sweater. It crumbled to a messy heap on the floor lying there taunting me with what I've done. _You cut yourself, Bella. And you _loved_ it. You want to do it again, don't you?_

My moves were like I was stuck in water. Slow and heavy but complete. I removed the shell from my pocket and washed it off, scrubbing away the dried blood, letting it swirl down the drain. Then I proceeded to clean my own cut, once clean it didn't look nearly as bad as before. In fact now that it was clean it looked very minor, it didn't even hurt anymore. I frowned at that and stripped down to take a shower.

I enjoyed the warmth and the steady beating of the hot water against my back but it wasn't enough. I still didn't feel right anymore. I stepped out for just a moment and snatched up the shell then stepped back inside.

Almost smiling in anticipation unconsciously I stretched my arm out exposing the underside of it. I wasn't suicidal but I just wanted to feel the way I did before so I went 'across the street'. I didn't want to cut open a vein and die in the bathroom I just wanted physical pain. I sucked in air sharply and relaxed as the pain came. Stinging and distracting, I washed off my arm and the shell once again and ended the shower, grateful that the pain was still there.

Standing in front of the mirror, with a towel wrapped around me and my cut arm showing, I had to resist the urge to flinch back for the hideous girl staring back at me. I know that no one is perfect but everyone I knew just seemed like the epitome of it. Perfect family, perfect looks, perfect friends, and perfect life— so perfect! While on the other hand, I had none of that. Not even close. I raised a hand to touch my face tracing the lines of it wishing that just by hoping I could change it, it would. I turned away from the mirror no longer able to take the ugliness of it all.

After changing clothes—which I had to run out of the bathroom and dash to my room and back for—exhaustion consumed my body. I wanted to fall on top of my bed and fall asleep forever but then I remember how I wanted to separate Jacobs's bed from mine. I shoved and pushed my bed away from his and back to its original place against the wall near the window. I shivered at the thought of no longer having Jacobs's warm body next to mine.

Right after that thought Jacob walked in. As soon as he saw my bed, his face fell and for a second I felt really bad but I shook it off and straightened up.

"Where is Embry and Quil?" I asked coldly.

"They left." He answered just as coldly but his voice was slightly tinged with regret—I ignored it. There was a long awkward silence between us like there's never been before until Jacob finally spoke breaking it.

"Why'd you run, Bella?" He said. He sat down on his bed facing me so I sat on mine too.

"Because that's what I'm good at." I confessed, fiddling with my shirt sleeve. I had chosen long sleeves to cover my arm and bandaged the earlier one.

"You don't have to run away from me!" He countered.

"Yes I do. I always have to, or else they're going to leave me first." I didn't need to clarify who 'they' were. Because it was everybody, I didn't do it with my parents and that's why they're gone. Getting attached to someone is just setting yourself up for being left.

"I feel sorry for you if that's how you feel." Jacob stated bluntly. After that we didn't talked anymore. I was shocked that he would say something like that to me. It wasn't pathetic, it was true. Out of everything I've ever learned that one fact was the one that was the most important. Jacob stood up and turned off the lights as I got into bed and stared into the dark. I sighed and turned over in the bed, mental wars going on in my head.

I traced my hand mindlessly over the puckered scar on my arm wishing the ones that I couldn't see would disappear.


	7. Down

_"I don't know where I'm at. I'm standing at the back and I'm tired of waiting. Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing. I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground._  
_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down. I thought I could fly, so why did I drown? Never know why it's coming down, down, down." _  
_-Jason Walker "Down"_

Bella's POV _(14 years old)_

A wise man once said, "There are reasons each of us are born. We have to find those reasons." Well the line actually had come from the movie The Last Airbender but I thought it was still pretty wise and applied perfectly to how I was feeling now. I needed to find my reason. Here I was by myself feeling all too lonely and out of place, like an outcast.

I was back on my favorite log and was watching Jacob and his friends again. He couldn't tell I was there, none of them could. They were too busy doing their cliff diving fun—which I was excluded from again. It was summer and without Jacob I was completely absesnt of anything to do. I mean it's not like I had any friends. Besides my always present book, books were my only companions anymore. I guess I shouldn't really care but I still longed for a real one though. I fiddled with _Wuthering Heights_ in my hands flipping through the pages hoping a miracle would happen and I could get sucked into the story. But miracles don't happen to me.

I could hear them laughing and messing around from where I sat, Embry had elbowed Quil causing him to stumble off the cliff and for a second my heart stuttered but then I saw Quil laughing the whole way down. He was completely in summer bliss.

Eventually they decided to leave and that's when I headed over there. Hiking over there didn't take long at all and when I was completely sure they would see me I stepped out onto the cliff. This is what I've been doing the whole summer. I know what you're thinking, I wasn't jumping off cliffs! But what I had been doing was after they would leave I would try whatever they had just done. But this time I wasn't so sure, I was pretty sure they left because of the oncoming storm. _But it wasn't even strong yet,_ I argued with myself. I had always done this so why stop now? I put down my book and took of my shoes and jacket placing them in a neat pile for when I came back. Then I looked down and I balked.

The waves were huge! It had definitely not been this strong during the time they were diving. I took a step backward edging away from the cliff, rubbing my cuts. I had worn short sleeves today because I had a sweater but now that the sweater was off the cuts were painfully exposed. Both arms were cross-crossed with numbers of them; I didn't even bother counting them anymore. Lately I had become confident and began cutting deeper so the pain increased. I wanted to cut, but I couldn't right now.

I knew I couldn't cliff dive today; it got too dangerous too fast. I'd have to wait until tomorrow but I couldn't help how my shoulders slumped and the feeling breaking the tradition. I was just about to put my things back on and grab my book when the hair on the back of my neck rose up. I felt someone watching me. Was it Jacob, Quil, and Embry that had come back? No, it couldn't be because if they saw me here they'd drag me back right now.

"Who's there?" I called out, turning around to face the woods, my eyes searching for the person. Then I heard quite talking and I realized there was more than one person. They're words were so quiet for people right next to me I felt like I was losing my hearing but I strained my ears hard and heard very, _very_ quiet snippets of the conversation.

"Not seventeen yet…no…wait… break promise… watching us"

"Needs to be strong... can stand this…test…barely interfering…speed things up"

I could only hear two voices but I felt like there were more than just two. My heart began pounding hard and goose bumps broke out on my skin. I shivered and took a stepped backward before I remember that I was standing on a cliff and cut the step off halfway, bits of rocks crumbled beneath my heels and feel toward the tossing waves below. Then it began to rain, hard and fast as the thunder clouds blocked out the sun. I didn't wait any longer before I tried to run, abandoning my things. Suddenly someone grabbed a handful of my shirt from behind and lifted me up.

"Let me go!" I yelled thrashing about trying desperately to turn around and punch them. But it was useless; the person started stepping closer to the edge of the cliff me still tight in their grip.

"NO! No, no, no!" I fought desperately, kicking and swinging my arms then my hand hit whoever was holding me—hard. Their skin was like rock hard and it sent stabs of pain up my leg. My hand flew to cradle my heel where it had hit their skin and when I look up again I was dangled over the cliff.

All that was keeping me from falling was their grip on my shirt which I knew at any second was going to release me. I began to twist hoping I could catch a glimpse of the person holding me. It was very brief, so quick if it hadn't been my worst nightmare I wouldn't have remembered it. But I did and now I couldn't get it out of my head. She had red eyes like a burning hot coal, like the angriest color, like sparkling rubies, like fire… like blood. I couldn't help it. I screamed bloody murder. I couldn't focus on anything; I couldn't even focus on her face all I could see were the eyes that always haunted my nightmares.

The lips that I couldn't see parted as they whisperedsounding almost bored-like, "Let's hope you live through this."

I didn't have time to go over in my head how confusing that sounded before she dropped me. Air whooshed past me and the sounds of the thundering waves roared in my ears. The black waves seemed to try to reach up for me before falling back into place then trying again. Tumbling head over heels toward my death I could hear the beautifully evil laugh of the Red Eyes. I couldn't scream this time though, my heart was stuck up in my throat and my voice couldn't get through. But I cried I'm not sure how I could cry in the second it took me to fall but I did. My face was already wet with the rain so if it wasn't for my silent sobs I wouldn't have known I was crying.

Hitting the water was like a huge belly flop. It stung all over before the water swallowed me up and I couldn't breathe anymore. I tried to but all I got was a mouthful of water and I began to choke. Between that and the water crushing me I wasn't sure which way I was going to die.

The waves crashed against my body harshly, tossing me back and forth like a small rag doll. For just a moment they lifted me up and thankfully I gasped in air but then the waves came back and dragged me down. I was so scared, thoroughly terrified but comforted at the same time. Would I see Charlie soon? I hadn't thought about his death in awhile, lately I've been just concerned with being an outcast. The thought of being with him though almost made me okay with dying. Almost.

I tried to swim but it was a feeble attempt, the storm was too strong. Slowly the last bits of oxygen escaped from my lungs and I started seeing black spots across my vision. I couldn't move anymore, I didn't have the energy to anymore so my body started sinking to the bottom. It was quite down here, you could no longer hear the waves or the rain or the storm at all. The black spot grew bigger and bigger and I couldn't think anymore. My brain lacked oxygen too much. It was so cold, so dark, so hopeless. I surrendered myself to death.

"Breathe! Damn it! Please just breathe!" He begged me. He pinched my nose then gently pressed his cold lips against my mouth and blew. Then he pushed my stomach hard so that the water came flooding my up my throat. I coughed and spluttered, rolling over to throw up the water. I took a great big breath in relishing the sweet taste of the air.

"Thank god!" he exclaimed relief coating it all over. After coughing up all the water inside me—which was a lot—and getting used to breathing again, I finally looked at my savior. The rain had matted his hair to his head, the rain making look like a dark reddish-brown color which I guess was actually a nice bronze color when dry. His skin was creamy, flawless, and surprisingly even paler than mine. He was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans with a leather jacket that were completely soaked, and the t-shirt plastered to his chest so that I could clearly see a six-pack.

He was gorgeous but when I unglued my eyes from his abs and looked into his eyes I gasped. They were my angel's eyes. They looked exactly the same, the deep golden color with a smoldering gaze.

"Y-y-your eyes…" I stuttered in disbelief, unconsciously I had lifted my hand to cup his face and leaned in to look closer. He froze for a minute before standing up and breaking his gaze that held me.

"Who are you?" I asked, so confused. After a moment he knelt back down and did a once over on me.

"The question is: who are you? Why do the Volturi want you so bad?" He countered.

"The who?" I was dumbfounded. He shook his head and frowned muttering to himself. I think I heard him say 'she doesn't know a thing.' But that may have been my ears playing tricks on me. I mean after all, I had almost died. Then he studied me again as if looking for something—it made me very self-conscious. I could just imagine how I looked: like some hideous drowned cat and I reeked of salt water. It was almost overpowering, it was all that I could smell and I bet he could only smell the salt water too. He looked deeply into my eyes and suddenly his own eyes widened. And maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on everything but I think I saw his lips form my name.

"What's your name?" He questioned with some new found wonder. But I didn't have time to answer because just then someone yelled 'there she is!'

I looked over to where the sound was coming from to see Jacob running toward me with almost half of La Push on his tail. And when I looked back my savior—my angel—had disappeared. When they all got to me it was a flurry of chaos. I didn't even have time to glance back and look for him again before they had me in an ambulance and off to the hospital.

They ruled it as a suicide attempt. And no one would believe me when I objected.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself!" I half-screamed in frustration. A nearby nurse stood nervously in the corner brandishing a syringe readily in case they needed to put me out. Again. The doctor, policeman, and Billy stared at my exposed and newly-discovered cuts.

"Billy you got to believe me! I wasn't! I wanted to go cliff diving like Jacob did but then I saw the storm and was going to go back!" I tried explaining once more.

"Then did you somehow fall off the cliff?" The doctor asked sarcastically, I glared. This was the hard part to explain.

"I was pushed. The Red Eyes pushed me." The doctor now officially thought I was a liar. I turned to plead to Billy instead.

"Billy?" My voice sounded way too childlike and desperate for my liking. His dark eyes flickered but his face remained neutral and didn't say a word. The doctor whispered something to him and he left the room.

"Check for footsteps then! They'll be there!" I pointed out, grasping for straws here.

"It rained Bella. _If _there were any track they'd be washed away by now." The officer said putting a big emphasis on the 'if'. I almost broke down crying right there. I know if I were in the officers' place I'd be thinking the same thing but this was the truth. Maybe if they hadn't found the cuts they would've believe me but then did find them and they didn't believe me. After all there hadn't been any drama since my father's death—with was also another reason they thought it was a suicide attempt. I mean, who would want to kill Bella Swan? So I was put on therapy every Monday and Thursday, anti-depressant pills, and on suicide watch. Never to be left alone. It's a hard-knock life.

But the worst part of it all was explaining it to Jacob. The way he looked at me made me feel ten times worse. It seemed like they were a constant reminder of what happened, like the eyes themselves were always asking me 'why?' I stayed in the hospital for only two days before they left me go but when they told me I could go I was almost too scared to leave the safety of the horribly blinding white walls. Because here I was safe from questions of prying people. I could plead fatigue and then they would leave me alone but I knew when I got back to the house I woulldn't have that excuse to fall back on.

When I was finally released from the hopsital they all decided to give me some alone time in my room. Only a little while though-i reminded myself to kill whichever doctor that assigned the suicide watch later. i shut the door quietly and collapsed on the bed unanswerable questions flying around my head. Who were the 'Volturi'? Did they really want something with me? Were they the same people as my Red Eyes? Why did they throw me off the cliff and leave me to die? Who was the man who saved me? Why did he save me? Where did he even come from? And how did he manage to survive the storm when I didn't even stand a chance? But my alone time came to an end when Jacob walked in. He still wasn't looking at me. He looked right above my head or ,aybe below my ear or possibly right past my shoulder, it didn't matter except for the fact that he wouldn't looking at me. I tried to hold back another flood of hurt feelings. I vowed to stay strong and stay strong I would.

"We're having a family meeting in the dinning room. Dad sent me up here to come get you." He informed me careful to keep his voice unemotional. I nodded and got up to follow him. Billy, Rachel, and Rebecca were waiting there for me judgement in their eyes so strongly I almost flinched and braced myself for the bad news I was sure that was going to come. Billy cleeared him throat before speaking.

"I know you haven't been exactly happy here.." He started, "So we thought maybe you'd feel more, uh, in place if you went to high school back in Forks."

I had to literally stop my mouth from falling open, "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously!" Rebecca piped up, nodding her head as if this was all her genius idea. But i wasn't even sure if it was genius at all. What if I was even worse there than I was here? I took a deep breath in and tried to concentrate. I felt bad for my therapist.

**Edwards here, finally! Well, sort of...Anyway I have a favor to ask of you, dear reader. As you know its summer (yay!) and with that there comes a summer reading project (boo!) and I-as a rising freshman *gasp!* scary thought- have to read The Odyessy...So if you know _anything_ about it that would be helpful to me please PM me or include it in your review, which i hope you will do ;) I have to find textual evidence of Odyesseus' heroism or lack of it, yuck. If you haven't read it or don't feel like doing anything no problem, don't worry about it. But I would really like a little bit of help. Thank you! **

**Hope you're having an amazing summer!  
****Grace**

**p.s. I'm sooo sorry it took so long to update. I hate computers and their retarted technology breakdowns. I really do. **


	8. Temporary Home

_"This is my temporary home. It's not where I belong. Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.  
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going."  
-Carrie Underwood "Temporary Home"_

Bella's POV

Haunting, like dark shadows, taking over my thoughts, my actions, everything I did. I thought I was getting better, maybe that the depression pills were working, maybe the therapy would help. But they didn't, not even in the slightest way. I thought the nightmares would go away. But then that day changed all of it and now it was the only thing I knew I could never get rid of. Even Jacob couldn't help me anymore. No one could.

They were all so stupid, specifically the therapist who was shoving annoying questions down my throat right now. She wasn't an actual therapist just a preschool teacher used to whining and crying so they decided to make her a par therapist too. I rolled my eyes and blew a bubble gum bubble and popped it loudly—I knew she hated that. Mrs. Ross frowned and wrote something down in fancy notepad. Once I asked her what she writes there and she just said 'just information about your wonderful progress!' in her fake cheery voice. Apparently she's the only one who gets to ask the questions, every time I'd ask her something thinking there was no way she could turn it back on me she did. I hated her.

"Well, Bella, do you want to discuss anything eventful that happened today at school?" I leaned farther back into the couch and propped my feet up on the coffee table. Tapping my finger against my lips pretending to think intently, I gave her hope for getting anything out of me and after I moment I shook my head.

"Nope." I decided, raising my eyebrows expecting her disappointed look which, as predicted, came a moment later. I wasn't about to tell her about how I had tried out for the cross country team and was definitely going to make it before I tripped and fell right before the finish line and everyone laughed. I never came back to the team even though they didn't cut freshman. I wasn't about to tell her how I had only made one friend, Angela, and that was only because we were partnered in English.

"Bella, you remember when we talked about opening up to people instead of keeping your emotions bottled up inside?" She asked.

"Yeah, so?" I didn't really care but I knew she wanted me to respond so she could lecture.

"I'm here because we want you to open up! This thing isn't going to work if it's only one sided. Keeping your emotions inside is bad and if it goes on for too long, it's going to explode out of you and that could cause you to push ones you love away." Mrs. Ross ranted for awhile but I wasn't going to respond to this one. There's no one I love left to push away, it's better to have no one and have your heart still intact that have someone and have it crushed. I sore to myself I'd stay whole, stay as happy as it was possible for me. She gave an antagonized sigh and wrote something else down while shaking her head muttering to herself about my refusal to cooperate.

"At least have you been feeling better? Any suicidal thoughts lately? No cutting right?" Mrs. Ross chose to change the subject seeing as we were going nowhere with that.

"I've been feeling wonderful! Just fine and dandy! My life is awesome!" I cheered sarcastically. The first couple sessions I kept saying I wasn't suicidal, still no one believed me so eventually I just gave up. I still took the depression pills and sometimes they did work but often times they didn't but I never told anyone that.

"May I see your arms today?" She implored, trying to see under my long sleeves. I pulled them up without any fight because she wouldn't find anything but healing scars. Moron. Your arms aren't the only place to cut. Mrs. Ross smiled as if she was the reason I had stopped cutting, and it was her own personal success. I smiled angelically at her, but I could tell even she didn't trust that secretly mischievous smile.

"Okay what would you like to talk about now Bella? Anything at all?" I only shook my head in response and tried not to fall asleep.

"What about your family?" She probed.

"I don't have one." I said bluntly without any explanation. Mrs. Ross leaned forward and poised her pen millimeters away from her notepad ready to jot down something at any second and I could almost hear her thinking 'now we're getting somewhere!'

"What are you saying? Aren't Billy, Jacob, Rebecca and Rachel your family?" God, it already felt like a criminal interrogation!

"They're just the people I'm living with they're not my family. As soon as I turn eighteen and finish high school I'm going to college far, far away and never looking back!" I answered with determination strong in my voice. And then more softy I added, "Charlie was my only family."

"What about your mother?" Mrs. Ross kept pushing.

"Mother implies caring, and love. I don't have a mother. Renee is just simply shared blood." This was the most I had ever said in one of these sessions but I couldn't stop it felt like word vomit.

"The only family I ever had was murdered." I finished. Mrs. Ross was slumped back in her chair very surprised at me finally opening up even if it was only a little bit. I swear her jaw almost dropped. I dropped my gaze embarrassed for spilling all that information all at once. Biting my lip I hoped it wouldn't happen again.

"Bella…Charlie was attacked by an animal not murdered…" Mrs. Ross said slowly. My eyes widened, I hadn't even realized I had said that, it had just come out.

"I don't believe that." I mumbled quietly. "I can't remember much from that night but I don't believe it." We were both silent for awhile after that neither knowing really what to say, then finally she spoke.

"I don't know much about your fathers' case but I do know that sometimes after a traumatizing event as humans we sometimes cause ourselves to forget things on purpose, and we do completely forget about it. I think they call it 'repressed memory'… And other times we can replace the memory with something else entirely made up by our own minds and believe it. That's why sometimes people have irrational fears but can't quite remember why they're scared." Mrs. Ross went on. My forehead creased.

"False memory syndrome?" I questioned tentatively.

"Exactly. Like for example, you can think you went to the park the day your house burned down, remembering details of the park you didn't go to but really the whole time you were there when it happened." All I could summon after that was a surprised 'oh'. When the session finished I bolted out of the building and ignored the fact that I was supposed to be picked up and just walked.

I didn't really know where to go at first. I just walked about for awhile happy to leave that place but I found my feet taking me to a place that seemed strange yet familiar at the same time. I was going through the woods trying not to fall over raised roots or stumble into spider webs. Normally I would've turned back and given up but this time I didn't want to turn back I wanted to keep going. I took my watch off and stuffed it into the pocket of my jeans, not bothering with anyone else's worries right now.

A mosquito buzzed passed me and I swatted at it and kept going. Right after that I fell down because I had forgotten to look down for raised roots, standing back up I banged my head on a lower branch and then to top it off the mosquito came back with six of its friends an bit me. I seriously wasn't sure if I wanted to keep walking but I did. Still I couldn't help yelling "Are we there yet?" out loud to no one in particular.

Pushing branches away I finally stepped out into a wide open clearing. I gasped, feeling a sharp tug on my stomach. I clutched my torso falling to the ground and began to cry. I knew this place, Charlie took me here. I also knew this was the place where he died yet somehow it wasn't the reason why I was crying. I didn't exactly know why I was crying, I just felt very sad. So sad and miserable. And scared.

It didn't really make any sense to be sad in a place as beautiful as this. It was a beautiful as I remembered. The feeling of walking right into the middle of a fairytale was still here and I felt as though at any second Snow White and her seven dwarves were going to come. Or maybe from one of the flowers Thumbelina would sprout. But I kept crying and crying and crying.

When my tears started to slow down I sat up and picked up one of the daisies in front of me.

"Daddy. It's so pretty." I whispered, stroking the petals before sharply plucking them all off and throwing the stem far away.

Suddenly I looked up as a glint of light from the opposite side of the meadow caught my eye. It looked like a random sparkle, maybe a reflection from the river? Something didn't feel right though then I felt another feeling deep in my gut. Fear was back. I stood up shakily and squinted into the distance before the hair on the back of my neck rose and my heart turned to ice. I saw red eyes again. I wasn't alone. I didn't waste another second before I bolted. Running quickly out of the meadow before I could fully comprehend what was even going on.

That little voice in the back of my mind was talking again, the one that had always sounded strangely like Charlie. _Run, Bella!_ It told me, _Run!_

**I have been taking wayyy too long with updating and I'm truly sorry! There's no excuse, and I'm disappointed in myself. So I'll try harder, really I will. Also that last part of the conversation with the therapist was pretty important, so keep that in mind. *cough* remember it! *cough*hehe, anyway you know what you gotta do! Seriously, reviews are like my own personal brand of heroin *wink***

**Love,**

**Grace**


	9. Zombie

"_I'm not listening to you I am wandering right through existence with no purpose and no drive 'cause in the end we're all alive, alive. Two thousand years I've been awake waiting for the day to shake. To all of you who've wronged me I am, I am a zombie. Again, again you want me to fall on my head  
I am, I am, I am a zombie. How low, how low, how low will you push me to go, to go, to go, before I lay, lay down dead."__  
__-The Pretty Reckless "Zombie"_

Bella's POV

First Friday as a junior. Just finish this year and senior year and then I'd be out of here, I'd always chant to myself. Never looking back like I swore I would do. No progress was made at all since freshman year, I was still the lonely, broken girl I had always been and I didn't have any hopes left that it would ever change. I hated this green, rainy place—it was my own personal version of hell. And just add high school PE to it and I swear it was ten times worse. It was my last class and I was just getting dressed to leave. But I could hear Jessica and Lauren laughing at me, constantly teasing and laughing. Ever since Mike and Tyler had shown interest in me they suddenly hated me. Before I had just been ignored but now it was worse. Eventually I had learned to block most of it out but today it seemed like my hearing was working all too well. I gave them a look but didn't say anything and kept on getting dressed.

"You're such a loser!" Jessica said loud enough for everyone to hear when she realized I had finally responded. I glared dragging my shirt over my head and slamming the locker door closed and began to walk away, just like I always did.

"So Bella, how therapy going? I really think you should keep working on that, I can still see your cuts." Lauren stared pointedly at my stomach and legs. I had to bite back a sarcastic comment about how good a kisser Mike and Tyler were but I held it back. I was almost at the door and she was still talking.

"Maybe they should send you to rehab already. We all know that you're a stupid messed up little slut." Jessica added. "I almost feel back for you, no friends whatsoever!" Then the huge smirk on Laurens face grew even wider and she placed a manicured hand on her hips.

"No wonder Renee left, she was probably sick just from spending three years with you! And I bet Charlie committed suicide just to get as far away as possible." Lauren kept going on, which really was one of the worst moves she could've made. Before I would've just let her go when she was just starting to piss me off but her words had struck an unknown cord with me. Suddenly I turned around, my face covered in full fledged anger, my hand whipped out and grabbed Laurens's annoying dyed platinum blonde hair and pulled hard dragging her face close. She tripped and stumbled landing out my feet. I leaned down and tugged on her hair harder, some thin strands of it coming out in my hands.

"Look you little bitch; I'm not in the mood today for your pathetic shit! You and I both know who the loser here is and I suggest if you want to live till tomorrow you'll shut the fuck up!" I snarled then shoved her to into the gym lockers with a huge slam and stalked out leaving shocked faces of onlookers behind me and Laurens's crying face.

"Freak!" Jessica screamed after me, kneeling by Lauren. "You're such a freak Isabella Swan!" She screamed it so loudly now the people in the hallway were staring after me, glancing back and forth between me and the girl's locker room, whispering things between each other about me.

"Yeah I know." I muttered quietly under my breath and headed to the parking lot. And there it was waiting for me in the parking lot. My beautiful motorcycle. It was red, not exactly brand new—well lets' face it, it looked older than Billy! But it was mine. After begging for what felt like forever Jacob finally agreed to fix it and gave it to me for my sixteenth birthday. Billy said he wanted nothing to do with it but he never really objected so I took it as an 'okay'. And Rebecca and Rachel moved out a long time ago so they didn't even know I had a motorcycle. As I was mounting it when Mike Newton sauntered up to me.

"Hey Babe! Leaving without a goodbye?" He nuzzled my neck wrapping his arms around my waist. I didn't particularly like Mike but he made Jessica jealous and that was enough to make me smile at least. And the death glares Tyler and Eric were sending Mike just made me want to flat out laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

"I got to go." I said.

"Why?" Mike complained, trying to kiss me but I avoided it expertly.

"Because your girlfriends pissed at me." I eyed Jessica coming out of the school, with Lauren thank god they didn't tell anyone or I'd be in detention. But that's how our relationship went, we could abuse each other, verbally or not, but no one told the teachers because if they got me in trouble it would just start another war. Maybe we'd leave each other with bruises but none of us ever went past that, and I honestly didn't think they had it in them anyway. Plus when getting into college multiple detentions didn't help your chance, that's why I was so good in my classes. I wasn't going to be stuck in this miserable place because I wasn't good in school. No. Fucking. Way.

Mike followed my gaze toward Jessica and snorted.

"Babe, she's got nothing on you." He said loud enough to hear. The expression on Jessica's face was priceless; I wished I had a camera. I grinned widely at her in triumph and she shot me a dirty look that only emphasized the jealousy. He leaned in for a kiss and I started to lean in too. By now Jessica's face had turned pink with rage, so just to add it in I winked at Tyler who winked back causing Lauren to become furious too. God, high school makes me laugh.

Then at the last second as Mike tried to close in the kiss, I started up my bike and it roared to life making him jump back in surprise. The motorcycle wasn't exactly quiet but it was a much quieter then the slow rusty car Billy has almost given to me instead.

"See you later." I said briskly and drove off leaving him, disappointed. Last time I had let Mike come back to the house with me and we proceeded to make-out on the couch, it was the furthest we had ever gotten. Billy wasn't home but I had forgotten all about Jacob. Mike basically had his tongue down my throat and hand up my shirt when Jacob walked in on us. He was just coming in with Quil and Embry at his side talking to them and when his eyes roamed the room he caught sight of us easily.

"What the hell is this?" He had yelled, striding over to us in two giant steps. Mike and I had broken apart surprised by the intruders and of course my face turned bright red. Quil and Embry just kind of stood there awkwardly, watching the show. Jacob grabbed Mike by the shirt and threw him across the room literally shaking with anger.

"Keep your filthy hands off my sister!" He growled. Mike stood up shakily annoyed but terrified at the same time with his hands out in front of him in case Jacob was going to attack again. Jacob took a step forward before I came to my senses and jumped in front of Jacob.

"Jacob!" I had placed my hands on his chest to make him relax but beneath my hands he was burning up. "You need to calm down!"

"But he had his filthy hands all over you!" Jacob protested.

"It's none of your business what I do!" I snapped. The tension was thick, so thick that a knife wouldn't do crap. You'd have to hack at it with a fucking chainsaw!

"Yes it is! I'm your brother and he's an asshole!" Jacob fought back stepping toward Mike threateningly, Mike flinched his hands flying to the protective stance.

"Dude, you know what it's like with a hot girl!" Mike said nervously trying to ease the mood, but it was the wrong thing to say. Very wrong. Jacob lifted me up and spun me around to move toward Mike. And suddenly Mike was on the ground with a gushing bloody nose. With the help of both Quil and Embry we managed to get Jacob off Mike who ran out the door as soon as he was out of the way. Apologizing to Mike was easy but after that I never brought anyone back to the house again.

I certainly wasn't in a rush so I took my sweet time getting to therapy. I didn't enjoy it but somehow if we kept the topic off of me it became interesting. Mrs. Ross thought in her own twisted way this was the best slot at getting me to open up.

I killed the bikes engine after parking in some random spot that could've possibly been reserved for the staff and stalked inside, ready to endure.

**Vacation, school, cross country, events, my stupid 'O' doesn't work unless you slam down on it! I say those are my excuses but really I shouldn't have any, so I promise the next one will be much faster than this one. **

**Love,**

**Grace **


	10. Nobody's Home

"_Her feelings she hides. Her dreams she can't find. She's losing her mind. She's fallen behind. She can't find her place. She's losing her faith. She's fallen from grace. She's all over the place. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside."  
-Avril Lavigne "Nobody's Home"_

Bella's POV

As soon as I walked in I swear I literally almost walked back out. Mrs. Ross wasn't there; and in here place there was a man with a white jacket on that immediately signaled he was a doctor. I had to bite my tongue to yell accusations to him about Mrs. Ross who had probably told everyone my problems a decided it was best to institutionalize me.

But I didn't, I only stood there silently watching him with wary eyes as he got up from his chair to shake hands with me. His hand was icy cold as though before meeting me he thought it would be nice to stick his hand in a bucket of ice. And his face was perfect, flawless and smooth—unnatural. Even his glasses made him look smart but not in any way dorky. Just his outfit he was wearing right now looked like it cost ten times what my wardrobe did. I didn't like him.

The plaque on his desk that replaced Mrs. Ross' read Dr. Cullen. I drew my hand back quickly from him and fought the urge to gag. Giving him an icy glare just as cold as his hands I stepped away and asked where Mrs. Ross was.

"When I applied for the job here they thought I might be more…adequate and Mrs. Ross never objected." He told. I rolled my eyes of course she wouldn't object, she couldn't wait to get rid of me. He gestured for me to sit in the couch opposite his 'therapist chair' and began the session. There wasn't much introductions just that he and his family moved, since Forks high was so miniscule I was bound to have one of his kids in my class, etc. eventually he brought the conversation back to me and began to probe with questions.

"What d you think was the thing that pushed you into trying to commit suicide?" Everything.

"I dunno."

"Do you feel depressed often?" Always.

"Nope."

"On a scale of one very good to ten very bad how do you feel now?" Eleven.

"Not sure."

"You have to answer these questions eventually, Bella." Never.

"I am." He gave an exaggerated sigh, put down his notepad—a big important action I learned from Mrs. Ross—and leaned toward me as if to tell me a secret.

"Bella, I want to help you get through this." He said in a very sincere voice, but I didn't buy it one bit. They were all liars they only want money and to everyone what they do is just a job they have to work at until retirement.

"No you don't!" I snapped suddenly furious.

"Yes I do, Bella. Please calm down." He tried to reason with me but my my had gone into a fuzzy mess again.

"NO YOU DON'T! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" I yelled, standing up knock over some porcelain lamp, it fell to the hard ground smashed into a million pieces. Nurses and doctors rushed inside the room and can to restrain me trying to sit me back down. I began to fight; I kicked and punched, getting in a few good hits on a couple but I was only one girl there were five.

"NO!" I screamed, "YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA! YOU'RE SO STUPID YOU DON'T SEE ANYTHING!"

"Bella calm down." Dr. Cullen came over to me and grabbed my wrists forcing me to sit down but I was still kicking. A stream of filthy profanities spilled from my lips directed at them all, along with a punch that I'm pretty sure knocked some teeth out. My suspicions were confirmed when my fist came back with blood.

"STOP IT! LET ME GO! YOU CAN'T SAVE ME!" Shrieking at the top of my lungs a crazed, mad panic took over me. I couldn't think, I couldn't see, I could barely even breathe, and we Dr. Cullen showed me how again I was hyperventilating. That's when _he _came in. A confused and curious expression on his face wondering what all the commotion was about. His face when he saw it was me was a mix of relief but horror at the same time.

"IT'S YOU!" Everyone turned from me to face him, standing awkwardly in the doorway. "TELL THEM! TELL THEM I'M NOT CRAZY! THAT I DIDN'T JUMP OFF THE CLIFF!" We waited for his answer, I wasn't breathing again, his words could change my life again, and he could get me out of here.

"I…I…" His velvet voice unsure and wavering, "I don't know what you're talking about." He finally said. When the effect of his words dawn on me I began to scream again and cry at the same time. I knew that he knew it was me, I just knew it but I didn't know why he wasn't telling everyone. I really wasn't suicidal. I felt so hopeless now that there was no more proof of it left.

The nurses and doctors turned back to me looking down at some poor messed up stupid girl. I bet they even had doubts about me ever reaching the help they thought I so desperately needed. Tears streamed at a dangerously fast pace down my cheeks, flowing like a river. Dr. Cullen stared sadly at me and for just a second I thought I did see honest worry—only for a second.

"YOU'RE A LIAR! YOU KNOW WHO I AM!" I cried begging him to tell them. He shook head gazing at me with mixed emotions in his eyes, those golden eyes. The opposite of the eyes in my nightmares—in my reality that no one knew but him.

"PLEASE!" I tried to touch him but they were still restraining me.

"YOU BLIND FUCKING ASSHOLES!" I didn't have any control over what came out of my mouth, only unseeing emotion controlled it.

They began leading me out of the room dragging me away. Some other girl had run in, a small tiny girl which an expression opposite of his unsure one. At first she was staring at me just like Dr. Cullen was and kind of sympathetic but then she gazed far off into the distance looking at something I couldn't pinpoint and her eyebrows drew together slightly in fear and dread. It made me scared, everything was too overwhelming. All around me doctors and nurses were bringing me too a room with white walls and suddenly something sharp like a pinprick pierced my skin. It was stopped, the faces blurred together, the voices and my own screaming became quiet, and my eyes slid shut.

Edward's POV

I was just coming to see Carlisle for a visit, just to see his new job atmosphere. I guess you can say I was pretty shocked when I turned the corner on the way to his office and heard screaming. The doors were flung open and girl was fighting off an army of doctors and nurses trying to sedate her. At first her screams were unintelligible but after a second I got the gist of what she was trying to say. She said something about them being stupid and was cussing up a storm. The scent of blood made everything go fuzzy for a moment before I regained my senses and realized it was the girl I had pulled from the water.

Bella.

When Alice walked in her thoughts were just as startled as mine. But the moment her amber eyes locked on Bella's face the vision came. Very unexpected to come from a normal human—then again Bella was no normal human.

_The eyes that had always haunted her were now her own, those blood-red eyes. The thirst was something she knew she could've fought if she wanted to. But she didn't, she wanted to be powerful and strong for once. She wanted to indulge and destroy, no longer the weakling that she never wanted to be again. Her ruby red lips curled up into a devilish smile, exposing her dangerously sharp teeth, when he was dragged in the room on his knees. Grime covered his face, beautiful hair disheveled, and clothes torn to pieces, hardly covering him enough to be decent. Despair was the expression on his face, helpless despair. Hope flitted across his flawless face for a moment when he saw her but when he registered what she had become despair took over. Shoulders slumped in defeat, he knew that although she could stop his death if she wanted to, but she wouldn't. _

_A peal of delighted bell-like laughter fell from her mouth as she sauntered toward him. The clumsy stumble gone from her step, now replaced by smooth grace. Cascading waves of long silky locks fell to her waist, the color darkened from her light chestnut brown to almost an inky black that framed her deathly-pale face. The face that allured all the men she killed. That she killed with joy. Her eyes sparkled with the excitement of the oncoming kill. The one she'd been waiting for, for so long._

"_Oh, Edward! I cannot _believe _you had the nerve to show your face here! But look where you are now!" Bella clapped her hands in delight. "I must say I have been waiting positively forever for this wonderful day!" She knelt down beside him tucking her feet under her and cupped his face, inspecting his face by turning it left and then right rememorizing every detail. _

"_Don't do this Bella. You don't even know what you're doing." He pleaded. Savage anger flashed through her eyes as she stood up abruptly slapping his face so hard he fell down on his stomach cradling his cheek. _

"_I know everything Edward Cullen! Everything you neglected to tell me! How dare you tell me I don't know what I'm doing!" Bella snarled, wanting to take him out right there and then. But she hesitated when the old love she felt for him sparked as she saw him in pain. She stooped down once more and helped him up. _

_In a much softer voice she whispered, "Why didn't you give me the choice? Everything could've been so much different." _

_As though just remembering there were many other vampire in the room she looked around then command everyone to leave. Her voice rang with enough finality and power to rival royalty. A murmur of shocked whispers flitted throughout the crowd but was immediately silenced by her icy glare. _

"_But Bella it is not safe for you to be alone with him…" Aro touched her back gently, as though one of a fathers. _

"_Don't tell me what is safe and what is not, Aro. I can handle him by myself. Please leave now." If another vampire had said this to him they would be killed instantly, but this was Bella. To Aro she was like his favorite child, making sure she always got her way. Nodding he left and everyone else scrambled to follow him, the large doors shut with a loud bang before Bella turned her keen gaze back to him. _

_Edward looked at her expectantly, still knowing it was just a matter of time before his old lover left him and was replaced by the bloodthirsty monster. It was inevitable that he would be killed. He reached out and stroked her soft hair bringing her head closer to his with no resistance from her at all. Right now Bella was all too willing. She eyed his lips craving to know if they still tasted like she remembered. The ice-queen vanished for a moment replaced by what was almost a human-like Bella._

"_Kiss me." She begged. And Edward was helpless against the temptation of her lips. Yet the second their lips brushed she pulled back sharply, a poisonous look in her eyes. The monster was back. _

Alice and I exchanged horrified looks. Darting over to my side in a speed that she shouldn't have done, she grabbed my arm and pulled me into a corner. Not that it was necessary, all attention was on Bella. They had just shot her up with something and dragged her into a room. A familiar but old instinct in me wanted to go over there and take her away from them. To keep her safe from harm.

"Leave, Edward; you can't stay here. You can't be with her." Alice commanded, holding my face in a way that forced me to look directly at her. I tried to break free but when Alice was determined she was unstoppable.

"You know I can't do that. I need her." It was wrong. I should leave her alone and never come back into her life but I couldn't stop myself. I was addicted to her.

"Listen to me! You'll be killed! You saw what will happen!" Alice's other hand twitched with the urge to slap sense into me.

"The future isn't set in stone." I reminded her of her own words. Fixing me with a death glare she looked like an evil pixie.

"I'm not going to lose you to something that can be avoided. Edward! You don't even know her!" She nearly shouted at me.

"I do though! I know the risks, but I don't care." I wrestled my face from her griped and crossed my arms over my chest staring back at her just as stubbornly.

"Death is not a risk we should be taking." Alice growled, but when I added that we're already dead she threatened to go tell Carlisle and Esme about her vision.

"It's not going to stop me; it's just going to make everything harder on everyone." I didn't let her respond, I just left her standing by herself. And she knew I was right about that one thing, she wouldn't go to them, she'd want to keep everyone that she could out of this. Angry thoughts aimed at me filled my head from her, like Alice was my conscience, my good angel opposite the devil on my shoulder, my overprotective sister.

Waiting for everyone to eventually disperse from Bella's room I managed to convince everyone of not pressing charge—with the help of Carlisle—and after the discovery of her new hidden scars Carlisle made Billy keep Bella overnight at the hospital. That's when I planned to officially meet her.

**okay I lied I didn't update very fast and I'm really sorry! I praise all high school writers out there who find time to update very week, to me right now it seems next to impossible! Anyway my confidence on this story is waning because not many people are reviewing but I promise if you stick with it, it will get very good soon. And that promise I can keep, just review**

**Xoxo,**

**Grace**


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